We all have those moments when we’re, metaphorically, standing at a fork in the road and have no idea which direction to move in. We’re not ourselves, we forget to do the things that make us happy, we don’t want to be bothered with anyone… And so we temporarily give up, shut down, and say @#$% it.
For me, this time came when I graduated college (to be more specific — “this time” is like, right now).
During the past three years I have grown accustomed to doing things a certain way; always having somewhere to be, deadlines to meet, new things to learn, shots to take, etc… But after finishing school two months ago, my schedule has become 99% free which has resulted in me doing nothing and losing 99% of my motivation for almost everything.
I’ve been able to spend a lot of time alone with my thoughts (it has its pros and cons) and in this time, I’ve managed to piss myself off, be sad, forgive myself, and become completely happy.
I pissed myself off when… I realized how I have absolutely no interest in pursuing the career path I chose for college.
I was sad when… I felt ashamed for selling myself to Sallie Mae.
I started forgiving myself when… I remembered how bad decisions (yes I consider college to be a personal bad decision) don’t define me.
I became completely happy when… for the first time in a long time, I started to feel free.
College just wasn’t for me. I had the right idea of how to prepare for the future, but I often felt like I was stuck in a place where I never belonged; where I convinced myself I “should” be… And now I can see how college was just one route for me to take so that I could grow into a better, wiser version of me.
Like J.Cole said,
To appreciate the sun, you gotta know what rain is.
(I know someone else said that before, in a more official way, but I like J. Cole… And I’m sure you get my point.)
The negative feelings I developed about college and my experiences there have allowed me to really appreciate how it feels to be free and open to seeing the world in a different way.
We all feel stuck in the middle at some point in our lives; wishing we could change a decision from the past and unsure of what move to make next. Whether it involves school, a relationship, a job, an embarrassing AIM screen name, or whatever… It’s important to stay optimistic about the future, and it’s even more important to be grateful for everything we discover along the way — the good and the bad.
We’re young and life doesn’t come with a handbook… And if it did, we’d be too independent and baddass to read it anyway… So let’s promise ourselves not to be too hard on us when our choices aren’t as beneficial as we anticipated… And let’s agree not to stay down and pessimistic for too long, because the bight side has a better view of just about everything.
We’re only “stuck” in the places where we give up, and we can make it much further than the middle.
P.S. As I mentioned before, I’ve lost 99% of my motivation this summer, but no love has ever been lost for Darla. We’re carefully taking feedback into consideration and working towards becoming even better for you in the near future.. So hold it down for us during this slight break. And also, be on the lookout this Sunday for a review of Kehlani’s “You Should Be Here” Tour; because really… You should be here for that.
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